I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
