This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
