she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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