i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
