who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
