i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
