Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
