she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
