I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
