Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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