Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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