if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
