If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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