I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
