Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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