I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
