Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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