Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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