the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We had sex on a dog bed..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
