That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
