Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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