Got a toothbrush?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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