We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
