So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
