I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
