I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
