He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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