I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
