dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
