So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize