we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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