yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
