best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
