It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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