we're blogging at a bar
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Someone signed my nipple.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
