we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
