i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
