Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
