Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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