I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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