so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
