He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
