so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
