i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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