if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
