yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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