I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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