Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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