have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
