he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
