I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
