all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
