I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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