the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
