I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
