I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
