he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
