am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
