Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wear drunk well.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
