I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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