im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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